crest fallen

only one person - susan asplundh, god bless her - has returned a budgie buck. she included a quote i've never liked, at least until now. it's thoreau's "go confidently in the direction of your dreams ~ live the life you imagine." except for my bacs teaching years, this quote rang hollow for me; my post-teaching dreams were basically flat, unappealing, stunted.

until now. i'm thrilled to my very core that the first returned budgie buck is from an awesomely bold & utterly non-trad woman who is over the top in being the most essentially female female i know. i want to be to non-trad ~ and wildly effective ~ senior services that she is to motherhood ~ making it happen, for everyone's benefit, on my terms. and i now love love love that quote because my dreams are outsized enough to empower beyond the beyond.

yes, i am crest fallen. but i'm also fluffed up that i took the risk of sending the request rather than just sitting on my hands or twiddling my thumbs as leah barrier after leah barrier sprung up between me & my rachel life purpose!

i served my seven years to get my goal, only to find that what i got was the ability to find that goal, to clear out enough gunk out of my head & heart to recognize my life purpose when it came to the well. okay, so it feels like i'm dealing with multiple leahs blocking my path. the fact that i recognize my life purpose is beyond rejoicing. and i will serve those extra seven years to make it mine & they will feel as a single day.

surely the lord is in this place, to have taken me from the first crest-fallen subject line to a recommitted to this present moment & all that follow.