Been thinking a lot of late about how I came to be so beyond rolly polly & unfit. It seems to me that we are all called, by our very creation, to be the best level of fitness possible, regardless of our overall health.
Mom epitomized that, but I was loathe to learn her lesson. Two things she did FOR HERSELF every day - took a nap & exercised.
Every day.
In addition to waist twists and arm up & overs and toe touching, she walked.
Boy, did she walk. In her 70s, the woman walked from our house on Woodland Road up to Benita Acton Odhner's on Alnwick - even in bad weather. Nap - exercise - walk.
So, why didn't I process my experience of her into an active role model? 'Cause you'd be hard pressed to find a more sedentary soul than yours truly. And it shows, in my weight & in my flabby condition.
What whatevers over-rode the "fitness is natural" message Mom clearly sent throughout her life? Let's see: delusion ~ negative messaging (you look just like your sister, Lockharts are lesser, you aren't intellectually curious, you're hopelessly out of shape, you're just big boned - gosh, there are too many to list) ~ distress ~ feeling tired ~ stuff down feelings ~ food = connection ~ socializing = food ~ okay to eat if others allow ~ "wedding 25" (became 22nd anniversary 50+) ~ just a little ~ too busy to cook wisely ~ love fat ~ reward = food ~ family = food ~ what set me apart was baking prowess ~ numb numb numb.
Each of those - and many more - have a stockpile of supporting stories backing them up, making eating unhealthy things or too much of healthy ones okay. Making exercise something chronically outside my reach. Stories that turned toxic & created toxins within my body. Stories that overrode the shining of low tech exercising Mom, of my own sense that healthier cooking just might be more interesting. Stories that shrouded with thick layers of fat the deepest belief I have about my sense of physical fitness - that we are given life to live in a manner that calls out our best, not our most mediocre.
Time to turn those stories away from toxic to terrific!
Track 9 to NYC
dropping off "my guys" at Hamilton Train Station
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
A Magical Life
It continuously amazes me what a truly magical life I've been graced to live. I can look at the most astonishing turns of events that even now leave me slack-jawed in awe.
Totally gobswoggled.
To all the forces that have helped make it so - thank you! And please send more of the same - promise to put it to great use!!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Weight Lifter
Suzie Gladish Snyder tagging me with the quality INGENUITY was one of the greatest weight lifters of all time! Lifted a weight right off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there!!!
Am so glad to realize how much I like things to WORK to their best potential. Just came across a quote I wrote several years back. Not very original, but it's more or less mine - Those who succeed aren't the people with the greatest gifts, but those who put what gifts they have to the greatest use.
Point of greatest happiness - it's never too late to put that quote into present moment action.
Am so glad to realize how much I like things to WORK to their best potential. Just came across a quote I wrote several years back. Not very original, but it's more or less mine - Those who succeed aren't the people with the greatest gifts, but those who put what gifts they have to the greatest use.
Point of greatest happiness - it's never too late to put that quote into present moment action.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Geeeeez...
What a lot I've learned since my last posting!
Yes, John wasn't letting me into the studio, so I wasn't able to spot right off the bat the misdirection he was taking.
How often is that true for all of us?
Hopefully, next time John won't be so wed to his old "I go it alone" art process. I know for sure that next time I'll simply say, "Boa," and that should gain me entrance.
Seems John was taking so long because he was unhappy with the drawing. Reality checkL had he worked at it for a hundred hours, he'd still have been unhappy with it. As would I, since what he was envisioning was NOT the drawing I'd requested. He thought I wanted him to draw the boa as it appeared in real life, and it frustrated him, messing up all the rest of his efforts, Praise be, not so, not so - the slightly abstract boa in the photo is far more alluring.
John decided to go back to the drawing board, using ONLY the photo as reference. And he got it done to his client's (me) total satisfaction in under a week! It now hangs on the critter wall at our art show.
Life's all about stories. John didn't hear what I wanted, although his thumbnail indicated he did. And because he shut me out of the narrative, there was no way to change his image of what I'd requested.
Far from being distraught over what happened, we will use it in the future in so many ways. John will, hopefully, feel more secure allowing me in; I will, hopefully, be more pointedly persistent (something I hate doing).
The whole thing was quite the little educational vignette. When it came down to it, I tried for a different, better ending - and we got it!!
Yes, John wasn't letting me into the studio, so I wasn't able to spot right off the bat the misdirection he was taking.
How often is that true for all of us?
Hopefully, next time John won't be so wed to his old "I go it alone" art process. I know for sure that next time I'll simply say, "Boa," and that should gain me entrance.
Seems John was taking so long because he was unhappy with the drawing. Reality checkL had he worked at it for a hundred hours, he'd still have been unhappy with it. As would I, since what he was envisioning was NOT the drawing I'd requested. He thought I wanted him to draw the boa as it appeared in real life, and it frustrated him, messing up all the rest of his efforts, Praise be, not so, not so - the slightly abstract boa in the photo is far more alluring.
John decided to go back to the drawing board, using ONLY the photo as reference. And he got it done to his client's (me) total satisfaction in under a week! It now hangs on the critter wall at our art show.
Life's all about stories. John didn't hear what I wanted, although his thumbnail indicated he did. And because he shut me out of the narrative, there was no way to change his image of what I'd requested.
Far from being distraught over what happened, we will use it in the future in so many ways. John will, hopefully, feel more secure allowing me in; I will, hopefully, be more pointedly persistent (something I hate doing).
The whole thing was quite the little educational vignette. When it came down to it, I tried for a different, better ending - and we got it!!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Trying for a Different Ending
Several months back, I had the idea of asking - commissioning - John to draw a portrait of Chessie using a photo I'd snapped of her with against a grey background, back lit with indirect sunlight, semi-laying atop a multi-colored boa. It was a really terrific photo, or so I thought, that incorporated play of shades & colors, sharp edges & fluffy feathers, cool slate & a cool cat. It would give me a great opportunity to work hand-in-glove with John, providing input as he worked through thumbnail to first drawing to final picture.
Or so I thought.
John wouldn't let me see it. All but one request was firmly denied. Weeks - weeks - of requests were turned down. No - I'm wrong. I was allowed to see it, once, several weeks back. No input, no working together, no discussing getting down on paper whatever it was I saw in the photo I'd taken, what I'd envisioned John drawing since first spotting Chessie with the boa on the foyer slate slabs.
So, it's not surprising that what John's spent weeks & weeks drawing bears basically no semblance to what I'd envisioned in my mind's eye, in my heart. Because it was a picture that totally won my heart. A picture that could have cemented our partnership in expanding his art process without sacrificing the quality that makes it John's.
Just the subject matter alone would have been a playful stretch for John, as it was soft-edged, even out-of-focus, which - in my eyes - gave it a wonderful sense of contrasts. Except he didn't envision it as playful, as his artistic sensibility isn't about paradox, let alone partnership. He drew the picture the way he wanted, which included no input from me. My opinion had no value to him.
It would make me sad if it didn't irk me more.
The drawing is ruined for me, although the photo is not (thank goodness). The picture would be a constant reminder of what could have been, if it had been of interest to John. What I hoped for in my heart goes against John's nature. That is not a criticism, just a reality. Not worth my time or even the energy of regret.
It would have been a nice painting, the one I envisioned. It would have had depth - where this is flat. It would have had a sense of play - where this one is static. It would have been playful - where this one is stodgy. It would have been filled with lights & greys & a boa infused with a variety of colors, rather than dark & light & red.
And I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is going through the heartbreak of what I went through, then John turning around & drawing what I requested. Because the drawing isn't, wasn't, never was what I was after.
I wanted to work a different process, to arrive at the ending through collaboration from first to last. And that will never be. The experiment failed. But I learned (or relearned) a great lesson ~ ~ I can't, won't playing the shrew, badgering someone to do something I see as important. Not my way of getting through life.
If it had mattered to John, then it might have been something very special. It didn't. He could redo the picture, he could make Chessie smudgier (although that might be outside his style sense), the boa looking & positioned more like the one in the photo. But it wouldn't matter. Because it was never about the picture, but about the process.
I hoped for a different ending, but it seems that it was never to be. Move on to the next story.
Or so I thought.
John wouldn't let me see it. All but one request was firmly denied. Weeks - weeks - of requests were turned down. No - I'm wrong. I was allowed to see it, once, several weeks back. No input, no working together, no discussing getting down on paper whatever it was I saw in the photo I'd taken, what I'd envisioned John drawing since first spotting Chessie with the boa on the foyer slate slabs.
So, it's not surprising that what John's spent weeks & weeks drawing bears basically no semblance to what I'd envisioned in my mind's eye, in my heart. Because it was a picture that totally won my heart. A picture that could have cemented our partnership in expanding his art process without sacrificing the quality that makes it John's.
Just the subject matter alone would have been a playful stretch for John, as it was soft-edged, even out-of-focus, which - in my eyes - gave it a wonderful sense of contrasts. Except he didn't envision it as playful, as his artistic sensibility isn't about paradox, let alone partnership. He drew the picture the way he wanted, which included no input from me. My opinion had no value to him.
It would make me sad if it didn't irk me more.
The drawing is ruined for me, although the photo is not (thank goodness). The picture would be a constant reminder of what could have been, if it had been of interest to John. What I hoped for in my heart goes against John's nature. That is not a criticism, just a reality. Not worth my time or even the energy of regret.
It would have been a nice painting, the one I envisioned. It would have had depth - where this is flat. It would have had a sense of play - where this one is static. It would have been playful - where this one is stodgy. It would have been filled with lights & greys & a boa infused with a variety of colors, rather than dark & light & red.
And I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is going through the heartbreak of what I went through, then John turning around & drawing what I requested. Because the drawing isn't, wasn't, never was what I was after.
I wanted to work a different process, to arrive at the ending through collaboration from first to last. And that will never be. The experiment failed. But I learned (or relearned) a great lesson ~ ~ I can't, won't playing the shrew, badgering someone to do something I see as important. Not my way of getting through life.
If it had mattered to John, then it might have been something very special. It didn't. He could redo the picture, he could make Chessie smudgier (although that might be outside his style sense), the boa looking & positioned more like the one in the photo. But it wouldn't matter. Because it was never about the picture, but about the process.
I hoped for a different ending, but it seems that it was never to be. Move on to the next story.
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