Several months back, I had the idea of asking - commissioning - John to draw a portrait of Chessie using a photo I'd snapped of her with against a grey background, back lit with indirect sunlight, semi-laying atop a multi-colored boa. It was a really terrific photo, or so I thought, that incorporated play of shades & colors, sharp edges & fluffy feathers, cool slate & a cool cat. It would give me a great opportunity to work hand-in-glove with John, providing input as he worked through thumbnail to first drawing to final picture.
Or so I thought.
John wouldn't let me see it. All but one request was firmly denied. Weeks - weeks - of requests were turned down. No - I'm wrong. I was allowed to see it, once, several weeks back. No input, no working together, no discussing getting down on paper whatever it was I saw in the photo I'd taken, what I'd envisioned John drawing since first spotting Chessie with the boa on the foyer slate slabs.
So, it's not surprising that what John's spent weeks & weeks drawing bears basically no semblance to what I'd envisioned in my mind's eye, in my heart. Because it was a picture that totally won my heart. A picture that could have cemented our partnership in expanding his art process without sacrificing the quality that makes it John's.
Just the subject matter alone would have been a playful stretch for John, as it was soft-edged, even out-of-focus, which - in my eyes - gave it a wonderful sense of contrasts. Except he didn't envision it as playful, as his artistic sensibility isn't about paradox, let alone partnership. He drew the picture the way he wanted, which included no input from me. My opinion had no value to him.
It would make me sad if it didn't irk me more.
The drawing is ruined for me, although the photo is not (thank goodness). The picture would be a constant reminder of what could have been, if it had been of interest to John. What I hoped for in my heart goes against John's nature. That is not a criticism, just a reality. Not worth my time or even the energy of regret.
It would have been a nice painting, the one I envisioned. It would have had depth - where this is flat. It would have had a sense of play - where this one is static. It would have been playful - where this one is stodgy. It would have been filled with lights & greys & a boa infused with a variety of colors, rather than dark & light & red.
And I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is going through the heartbreak of what I went through, then John turning around & drawing what I requested. Because the drawing isn't, wasn't, never was what I was after.
I wanted to work a different process, to arrive at the ending through collaboration from first to last. And that will never be. The experiment failed. But I learned (or relearned) a great lesson ~ ~ I can't, won't playing the shrew, badgering someone to do something I see as important. Not my way of getting through life.
If it had mattered to John, then it might have been something very special. It didn't. He could redo the picture, he could make Chessie smudgier (although that might be outside his style sense), the boa looking & positioned more like the one in the photo. But it wouldn't matter. Because it was never about the picture, but about the process.
I hoped for a different ending, but it seems that it was never to be. Move on to the next story.
Track 9 to NYC
dropping off "my guys" at Hamilton Train Station
Monday, July 2, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
INSPIRATO
Okay, so there's no definition for the word, inspirato. Even if it doesn't show up in the dictionary, even iif nothing shows up if you google "define inspirato," I know its meaning - those who inspire, whose energies flow back & forth with my own.
So many people have played that role with me over the years. It feels wonderful to be crafting a paper chain that celebrates that essence. To include others in the process, in the results. One name, one quality - so many stories behind the pair that I'll never know, but will always feel the undefined, powerful vibe.
Inspirato!
So many people have played that role with me over the years. It feels wonderful to be crafting a paper chain that celebrates that essence. To include others in the process, in the results. One name, one quality - so many stories behind the pair that I'll never know, but will always feel the undefined, powerful vibe.
Inspirato!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Wisdom from Kung Fu Panda 2!!
Soothsayer: You're story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn't make you who you are. It is the rest of your story, who you choose to be.
[Po remembers all the things that have happened to him in his life so far]
Soothsayer: So who are you, panda?
[Po stands up slowly]
Po: I am Po. And I'm gonna need a hat.
[Po remembers all the things that have happened to him in his life so far]
Soothsayer: So who are you, panda?
[Po stands up slowly]
Po: I am Po. And I'm gonna need a hat.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Left Without Words
Impossible to remember a time when I wasn't on overload when it came to words. Among family & friends, I was acknowledged to be Queen of the Unending Gab. At least one (considerably older) sibling complained bitterly about my motor mouth to Mom ~ "She talks such drivel."
And I did. Small wonder - no one talked to me about anything of substance. My sibs were 8, 10 & 14 years older than moi. Mim felt most comfortable talking to me about the dynamics of other peoples' families or - way more amazing - about television shows as if they had any actual bearing on reality.
Small wonder I never developed the knack that Mim so beautifully mastered - the art of delightful, engaging conversation.
Nope, I just rattled on - & on & on, never knowing when to stop.
It's why I'm attracted to watching way too much TV - it fills up the air space in my head in ways that feel familiar. Familiar, but far from helpful, productive or even safe.
TV seems the antonym to wordlessness. And in wordlessness is great power. Not as in "non-verbal type" wordlessless, but a more conscious, more genuinely effective stepping away from words & toward the Great Unspoken That's The Epitome of Real.
"Be still (silent) & know that I am."
The Writings teach that in heaven & in hell, words have no power to twist or distort - people see others as they are, not as they try to represent themselves through words. What we feel shows on our face, through our very being.
Striving for a higher sense & experience of wordlessness, of getting to the point where I am no longer burdened with a plethora of words, where I am blessed with quiet focused action.
And I did. Small wonder - no one talked to me about anything of substance. My sibs were 8, 10 & 14 years older than moi. Mim felt most comfortable talking to me about the dynamics of other peoples' families or - way more amazing - about television shows as if they had any actual bearing on reality.
Small wonder I never developed the knack that Mim so beautifully mastered - the art of delightful, engaging conversation.
Nope, I just rattled on - & on & on, never knowing when to stop.
It's why I'm attracted to watching way too much TV - it fills up the air space in my head in ways that feel familiar. Familiar, but far from helpful, productive or even safe.
TV seems the antonym to wordlessness. And in wordlessness is great power. Not as in "non-verbal type" wordlessless, but a more conscious, more genuinely effective stepping away from words & toward the Great Unspoken That's The Epitome of Real.
"Be still (silent) & know that I am."
The Writings teach that in heaven & in hell, words have no power to twist or distort - people see others as they are, not as they try to represent themselves through words. What we feel shows on our face, through our very being.
Striving for a higher sense & experience of wordlessness, of getting to the point where I am no longer burdened with a plethora of words, where I am blessed with quiet focused action.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Changing the Storyline
How respond to/within life has to do with my storyline. Crafting one that throws full support behind welcoming with open arms a robust, full-flavored, fully experienced life!
Mind you, even my former fairly faulty storyline couldn't completely deny that my life's been graced with awesome blessings since Day 1. Praise be that the over-hauled & updated version sees clearly the endless bounty of wondrous things that grace my life and welcome even more to flow right in, thank you!
Through my most challenging years, my weird saving grace was the ability to hear & register when I said over-the-top things. Like when I accused a sib of KNOWING that asking me to do something equated to telling me I had to do it. What an internal shocker to hear myself say the words & KNOW that I believed them. Or when Page Morahan talked about setting goals & I heard myself explain, "Oh, I never set goals; setting them is a sure way to ensure I never reach them." Again, can remember the shock I felt hearing the words come out of my mouth, come from a deep deep place within me.
Am in such an intriguing place at this point in time. Know it's essential I continue overhauling my storyline to keep step with my true self, with my sense of awesome destiny waiting to be experienced, with the lessons I've learned (instead of the lessons themselves, which want to hang around but only hold me back). What got me to where I am is my ability to work with words, to step back & analyze, to hold things in a warm embrace but not too tightly. What will move me forward will be my willingness to welcome wordlessness, to not have to understand everything, to let things just BE without examination & dissection. To where my storyline has changed so much, it doesn't even exist - just the story.
Mind you, even my former fairly faulty storyline couldn't completely deny that my life's been graced with awesome blessings since Day 1. Praise be that the over-hauled & updated version sees clearly the endless bounty of wondrous things that grace my life and welcome even more to flow right in, thank you!
Through my most challenging years, my weird saving grace was the ability to hear & register when I said over-the-top things. Like when I accused a sib of KNOWING that asking me to do something equated to telling me I had to do it. What an internal shocker to hear myself say the words & KNOW that I believed them. Or when Page Morahan talked about setting goals & I heard myself explain, "Oh, I never set goals; setting them is a sure way to ensure I never reach them." Again, can remember the shock I felt hearing the words come out of my mouth, come from a deep deep place within me.
Am in such an intriguing place at this point in time. Know it's essential I continue overhauling my storyline to keep step with my true self, with my sense of awesome destiny waiting to be experienced, with the lessons I've learned (instead of the lessons themselves, which want to hang around but only hold me back). What got me to where I am is my ability to work with words, to step back & analyze, to hold things in a warm embrace but not too tightly. What will move me forward will be my willingness to welcome wordlessness, to not have to understand everything, to let things just BE without examination & dissection. To where my storyline has changed so much, it doesn't even exist - just the story.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Inaugurations & Ordinations
Until today, I didn't grasp the difference between a priestly inauguration & an ordination. Thanks to the Rt. Rev. Tom Kline, I now get it - a person is only inaugurated ONCE, on being officially designated a priest, but could be ordained up to three times: into the 1st degree (white stoll - teacher), into the 2nd (blue stoll - pastor), into the 3rd (episcopal - red stoll). One has to do with use, the other with #ing.
Much more to write about, but - as so often happens when I feel something deeply - am feeling challenged putting down into words all that I felt this morning.
In time.
Much more to write about, but - as so often happens when I feel something deeply - am feeling challenged putting down into words all that I felt this morning.
In time.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
A Picture's Worth
A picture is truly worth countless words!
A friend just posted a vintage photo on Facebook. Two young ladies, apparently barely out of high school, with a rather dour-looking older woman in the foreground, all three seated on what looks like either the stern of a boat or a bench overlooking a lake. The girls look is relatively timeless, although the older woman's hat places the photo in the 1930s.
Turns out it was shot in Scotland, on a trip the girls - cousins - took in the '30s. (Small wonder the aunt looked a trifle dour - not always a lot of fun chaperoning even the most well-bred young ladies abroad!) The girl in the middle - Morna, a distinquished "ancient" (as my Mom would say) in her 90s, generally regarded by one & all as a living treasure - had given it to one of her nieces to post.
Impossible to imagine the impact seeing that one photo will have on so many of us youngsters, who will smile with memories of Karen, of Morna, of Miss Creda. To see that Miss Morna's smile - known by so many of us from thousands of math classes, from being greeted by her as principal, from it being flashed to us as we pass by her - remains basically unchanged over the years. And that Mrs. Cole - Karen - projects the same quiet quality I always sensed when I was a classmate of one of her daughters. Funny seeing Miss Creda look like she'd just tasted something sour, as I can't recall a time when, as a white-haired "ancient," she didn't invariably have a warm smile for me.
So many memories, all stirred by one snapshot.
Impossible to imagine how many memories would be stirred by someone with "real-time" memories of Morna & Karen in those younger years. And it's a spur to me to get Cyber Access for the Technically Timid up & running asap. This blog - Sneezing Chickens - honors the stories in our lives. By making CATT a success, I'll open up to so many of my older friends access to countless memories, priceless moments.
Still thinking about all the different responses to that one photo, all the different memories stirred by all the FB friends when they spotted it, when many shouted out to someone, as I did, "Hey - you've gotta see this!" What is a picture worth? More than any of us can imagine!
A friend just posted a vintage photo on Facebook. Two young ladies, apparently barely out of high school, with a rather dour-looking older woman in the foreground, all three seated on what looks like either the stern of a boat or a bench overlooking a lake. The girls look is relatively timeless, although the older woman's hat places the photo in the 1930s.
Turns out it was shot in Scotland, on a trip the girls - cousins - took in the '30s. (Small wonder the aunt looked a trifle dour - not always a lot of fun chaperoning even the most well-bred young ladies abroad!) The girl in the middle - Morna, a distinquished "ancient" (as my Mom would say) in her 90s, generally regarded by one & all as a living treasure - had given it to one of her nieces to post.
Impossible to imagine the impact seeing that one photo will have on so many of us youngsters, who will smile with memories of Karen, of Morna, of Miss Creda. To see that Miss Morna's smile - known by so many of us from thousands of math classes, from being greeted by her as principal, from it being flashed to us as we pass by her - remains basically unchanged over the years. And that Mrs. Cole - Karen - projects the same quiet quality I always sensed when I was a classmate of one of her daughters. Funny seeing Miss Creda look like she'd just tasted something sour, as I can't recall a time when, as a white-haired "ancient," she didn't invariably have a warm smile for me.
So many memories, all stirred by one snapshot.
Impossible to imagine how many memories would be stirred by someone with "real-time" memories of Morna & Karen in those younger years. And it's a spur to me to get Cyber Access for the Technically Timid up & running asap. This blog - Sneezing Chickens - honors the stories in our lives. By making CATT a success, I'll open up to so many of my older friends access to countless memories, priceless moments.
Still thinking about all the different responses to that one photo, all the different memories stirred by all the FB friends when they spotted it, when many shouted out to someone, as I did, "Hey - you've gotta see this!" What is a picture worth? More than any of us can imagine!
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