that's what i've gotta do!
first up - there are six days left in this month. how many things that are hanging over me can i get done by halloween night? consider this throwing down the gauntlet!!
Track 9 to NYC
dropping off "my guys" at Hamilton Train Station
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
crest fallen
only one person - susan asplundh, god bless her - has returned a budgie buck. she included a quote i've never liked, at least until now. it's thoreau's "go confidently in the direction of your dreams ~ live the life you imagine." except for my bacs teaching years, this quote rang hollow for me; my post-teaching dreams were basically flat, unappealing, stunted.
until now. i'm thrilled to my very core that the first returned budgie buck is from an awesomely bold & utterly non-trad woman who is over the top in being the most essentially female female i know. i want to be to non-trad ~ and wildly effective ~ senior services that she is to motherhood ~ making it happen, for everyone's benefit, on my terms. and i now love love love that quote because my dreams are outsized enough to empower beyond the beyond.
yes, i am crest fallen. but i'm also fluffed up that i took the risk of sending the request rather than just sitting on my hands or twiddling my thumbs as leah barrier after leah barrier sprung up between me & my rachel life purpose!
i served my seven years to get my goal, only to find that what i got was the ability to find that goal, to clear out enough gunk out of my head & heart to recognize my life purpose when it came to the well. okay, so it feels like i'm dealing with multiple leahs blocking my path. the fact that i recognize my life purpose is beyond rejoicing. and i will serve those extra seven years to make it mine & they will feel as a single day.
surely the lord is in this place, to have taken me from the first crest-fallen subject line to a recommitted to this present moment & all that follow.
until now. i'm thrilled to my very core that the first returned budgie buck is from an awesomely bold & utterly non-trad woman who is over the top in being the most essentially female female i know. i want to be to non-trad ~ and wildly effective ~ senior services that she is to motherhood ~ making it happen, for everyone's benefit, on my terms. and i now love love love that quote because my dreams are outsized enough to empower beyond the beyond.
yes, i am crest fallen. but i'm also fluffed up that i took the risk of sending the request rather than just sitting on my hands or twiddling my thumbs as leah barrier after leah barrier sprung up between me & my rachel life purpose!
i served my seven years to get my goal, only to find that what i got was the ability to find that goal, to clear out enough gunk out of my head & heart to recognize my life purpose when it came to the well. okay, so it feels like i'm dealing with multiple leahs blocking my path. the fact that i recognize my life purpose is beyond rejoicing. and i will serve those extra seven years to make it mine & they will feel as a single day.
surely the lord is in this place, to have taken me from the first crest-fallen subject line to a recommitted to this present moment & all that follow.
Monday, October 17, 2011
delayed deliveries
heading out this afternoon to FINALLY deliver the major batch of my 2011 "state of the human" update (aka "afterward"). and that's just the beginning. my bold brash ways apparently know no boundaries!!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
my last post said it all
"tenderized" ~ that was me, in a very good way, over the weeks that marked the 10th anniversary of mom's bidding us au revoir & her reunion with her o! best beloved. took an unplanned but very wise hiatus between the end of august to mid october. spent those weeks just being, not posting on my blogs, allowing whatever arose to arise without commentary.
good to step back; good to be back.
good to step back; good to be back.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tenderized
For years & years & years, I held being vulnerable as a negative. Loving John prompted my comment that my utterly involuntary love for him left me wide open in every way possible, that it "Makes me vulnerable."
It did & it does. And, much to my suprise, it turns out that is & always has been a good thing.
Being vulnerable is life welcoming. Our skin is vulnerable, letting things out, letting things in. Our cells are vulnerable.
How did I come to see vulnerability as a negative, something to be on guard against?
That's a purely rhetorical - such questions lack anything-close-to-understandable answers.
As I tip tap away, am finding myself thinking about ways to tenderize a tough cut of meat ~ you can slow cook it in some liquid, puncture it all over with deep holes, marinate it for hours. What you typically end up with is a piece of meat that's tender enough to eat AND typically with more flavor than a more naturally tender cut.
Maybe the same is true for all of us - that tough moments can, with a little attention & prep, be our most tender, most filled with the flavors of life & living.
It did & it does. And, much to my suprise, it turns out that is & always has been a good thing.
Being vulnerable is life welcoming. Our skin is vulnerable, letting things out, letting things in. Our cells are vulnerable.
How did I come to see vulnerability as a negative, something to be on guard against?
That's a purely rhetorical - such questions lack anything-close-to-understandable answers.
As I tip tap away, am finding myself thinking about ways to tenderize a tough cut of meat ~ you can slow cook it in some liquid, puncture it all over with deep holes, marinate it for hours. What you typically end up with is a piece of meat that's tender enough to eat AND typically with more flavor than a more naturally tender cut.
Maybe the same is true for all of us - that tough moments can, with a little attention & prep, be our most tender, most filled with the flavors of life & living.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Personally....
I've been cautious about getting too personal on my blog. It's felt as if, having worked so hard to get a sense of detachment from my intimate life issues, sharing even an teensy bit of them in a posting would jeopardize what feels like progress.
And by progress, I mean progressing, moving forward. What I've come to realize over the past few hours is that progress, to me, means letting out whatever wants to be shared. Of my various blogs, Sneezing Chickens means the most appropriate for such shares - everything is just a story, nothing more or less. Whatever I share will be mine.
The reason for being for this blog is to honor all the different energies that helped me achieve whatever sense of balance I enjoy at this moment in time. By focusing on them, it felt like I could sidestep the more potentially troublesome aspects of the personal work I've done over the past 35 years. Who can dispute that this group or that mentor, this book or that article, this audiotape or that movie helped shift my perspective to a better place? But plenty can dispute what impact a human being had on me.
What's occurred to me over the past few hours is that even that disagreement, that taking exception to something I might bring up, is a good thing. In the end, it's all just stories anyhow, so hearing someone else's story can only be good, even if it disputes my own. That's communication, and it always, ultimately serves a purpose, even if it's not one I imagined or can relate to.
Life is a complex jumble of stories masquerading as limited time experiences. Ha! They have no boundaries, no limits. I could sit in a room with Mim & Peter, Mike & Kerry and they could each tell a story that directly contradicts my own. Here's the fascinating thing - if you gave each of us a point in time to describe, one that involved us all, some of us would probably come up with similar accounts but no two stories would be exactly the same. And if you have four out of five of us all share the same experience, even that is no guarantee that the moment actually happened. We are all stories & stories are susceptible to naturally selective memory, personal voice, and even unconscious editing. NO ONE has immunity from this all-too-human experience processing software!
How can I write "wrapped in stories" if there are stories I'm cautious about sharing?
And by progress, I mean progressing, moving forward. What I've come to realize over the past few hours is that progress, to me, means letting out whatever wants to be shared. Of my various blogs, Sneezing Chickens means the most appropriate for such shares - everything is just a story, nothing more or less. Whatever I share will be mine.
The reason for being for this blog is to honor all the different energies that helped me achieve whatever sense of balance I enjoy at this moment in time. By focusing on them, it felt like I could sidestep the more potentially troublesome aspects of the personal work I've done over the past 35 years. Who can dispute that this group or that mentor, this book or that article, this audiotape or that movie helped shift my perspective to a better place? But plenty can dispute what impact a human being had on me.
What's occurred to me over the past few hours is that even that disagreement, that taking exception to something I might bring up, is a good thing. In the end, it's all just stories anyhow, so hearing someone else's story can only be good, even if it disputes my own. That's communication, and it always, ultimately serves a purpose, even if it's not one I imagined or can relate to.
Life is a complex jumble of stories masquerading as limited time experiences. Ha! They have no boundaries, no limits. I could sit in a room with Mim & Peter, Mike & Kerry and they could each tell a story that directly contradicts my own. Here's the fascinating thing - if you gave each of us a point in time to describe, one that involved us all, some of us would probably come up with similar accounts but no two stories would be exactly the same. And if you have four out of five of us all share the same experience, even that is no guarantee that the moment actually happened. We are all stories & stories are susceptible to naturally selective memory, personal voice, and even unconscious editing. NO ONE has immunity from this all-too-human experience processing software!
How can I write "wrapped in stories" if there are stories I'm cautious about sharing?
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
What to do today?
Am working on significantly upgrading my blogging skills. Craving for better content, snazzier pictures, more links to blogs I love typically hits in force after reading the current edition of Artful Blogging. As gorgeous as those samples of excellence in blogging are, I know that it's relatively simple to consistently make improvements to what & how I post.
Very uplifting, to be inspired by excellence instead of disheartened!
Now, what to do today?!
Very uplifting, to be inspired by excellence instead of disheartened!
Now, what to do today?!
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