god, existence & family

at age seven, i turned to tv as safe harbor from whatever conditions i was experiencing in my young life. most of what i watched was drivel, with a few exceptions.

at age 10, i discovered two films that changed my life ~ roshoman (japanese - subtitled!) illustrated how our personal perspective influences how we see a situation. outward bound (a early 1930s film that's disappeared or no longer viewable) reinforced two key lessons - it's possible for people to experience the same situation in vastly different ways, that what feel awful to one could feel like heaven to another, and that are consequences to our actions.

my first lessons that we each have our own stories (which can lead to confusion), that the same moment can be experienced in different ways, that actions have consequences. looking back, even i scratch my head over how a 10-year old could divine such heavy messaging, but it didn't feel in the least bit heavy, but like light falling across a page.

did i, as my brothers said, watch too much tv? absolutely. still do, although far less than back then or even a few years ago.

but i suspect tv will always have a healthy place in my life.

what was once a crutch became a therapist, delivering many great insights. from hearing a hero mouse answer "With any luck - forward" to his father's question about where he's going to the Robinson family motto "Put the past behind you and keep moving forward" to Bob Balaban's shrink character making a point about life to his chef-patient, Catherine Zeta-Jones' ~ "You know yourself - the best recipes are the ones you come up with yourself." i heard these and countless others, recording many of them on dvr & all of them in my heart.

in particular, i've gleaned a lot of insights about god, our core existence & family from my hours in front of the telly.

can remember the first time i watched oh, god - in my mid-twenties. riveted ~ here was an expression of god that spoke to me with the voice of comedic thunder!

then there was the world-shaking, mind-expanding moment in mindwalk when the writer character, sitting in an ancient chapel on mount saint michele, explains to two friends how physics explains that everything - alive, inanimate, everything ~ is connected. lightening struck in one immense illumination.

in the present moment ~ and inspiring this post ~ was blessed anew over the past 12 hours with several clarifying moments, all tied to tv watching.

divya, in royal pains, responding to someone asking why her parents aren't talking to her, gives the very explanation i could give for why my sibs won't talk to me ~ "i could give you a bunch of reasons ~ but when it comes down to it, i don't understand any of them." and she later wonders about how her parents could not want to hear her voice. i know how she feels - and can relate to her determination to neither dismiss her sadness nor let it limit her life.

have i mentioned in previous postings that i occasionally use the telly as an oversized night light? flipped it on in the wee small hours of this morning ~ there was oh, god on hbo! already well into the story, but with the best parts still to come - commercial-free! taped & ready for my leisurely viewing, big bowl of popcorn on my lap & john by my side. expect a posting!

the #1 reason i am inspired to write a book is to give thanks to all the resources, mentors & other influences in my life that helped me emerge from my longtime cocoon, stretch my wings & take flight. television was my first. going from crutch to counselor to conduit. thank god!